How many of us are guilty of screaming and shouting with rage at our children? At crucifying them and taunting them for their mistakes? All in the name of disciplining them. We, the mighty parents, need to discipline our children or they will get out of hand! What will society think of them? What will our other family members think of them? What will their future be?
Fear and the power of full autonomy over them govern our so-called disciplining. Sounds a lot like bullying to me.
Whoa! Me, the bully of my beloved child! Sounds pretty harsh!
Let us backtrack and reflect a bit.
What if, I presume, my child is the mirror to my own childhood dreams and inhibitions which have been stunted or denied in childhood. What if, I assume that when I am calling my child names and taunting her/him, I am making my ego feel better. That self, which during childhood was scolded, taunted, punished by overbearing parents has now turned into an ego. An ego which feeds on putting down and scolding and screaming and punishing. Much like, those who have been bullied will bully those younger than them.
What if, I see my younger self in my child and see this as an opportunity to heal and mature my stunted childhood emotions to realize my authentic self.
What if, when my child is rude, or always running late, or seems anxious and fearful, I assert and see my own actions to realize they are always watching and copying me. I am feeding the very negative emotions and actions that I am trying to discipline ‘out of’ my child.
What if, the next time you feel your temper ‘ego’ rise, you feel it in your body and let it be. Take a moment to really see what is happening. Imagine yourself like a giant spinning star, absolutely out of control and then trying to slow down. Then after you have taken a moment, ask yourself what fear or emotion is triggering this reaction and what can you learn from it. By now the ego ‘anger’ has dissipated and your empathy and love come into action. Then when both you and your child are in a calm, understanding mood you try to find a solution which works for both of you.
Our children give us an excellent opportunity to heal, grow and mature. They are the mirrors to our real self. They are walking in the steps of the little boy or girl within you. They are asking you to lead them with love, patience, and care. To teach them how to love themselves and guide them to find their true authentic self. They were perfect souls born to you and are asking for your companionship on this journey of self-discovery.
“Enjoy your Path to Mom. Relish every moment!”