If you’re struggling with disrespectful behavior from your kids, you’re certainly not alone: this is one of the biggest topics of discussion for parents.
Disrespectful behavior consists of :-
• name answering
• Ignored requests
• Snide comments
Disrespectful behavior of your child or teen comes in numerous forms. The truth is, disrespectful behavior is one of the ways in which kids, especially teenagers, try to solve their problems.
Kids can feel helpless in the face of rules and expectations, and talk back and show disrespect is one way they attempt to take some power back. If they can drag you into a dispute, that’s even better, now you’re arguing about respect as an alternative to focusing on their curfew or their homework!
Why do kids use back talk?
Kids often don’t think of their words as disrespectful. Instead, they’re feeling helpless or think that you’re being biased. Think about it from the child’s perception.
Responding to disrespect
Almost All parents face mild to moderate disrespectful behavior from their kids from time to time. But what’s the real way to respond?
1. Decide which behaviors need to be addressed
Most kids have been involved in mildly disrespectful behaviors, such as rolling their eyes at a parent, at least a sometimes times in life.
Focus on larger issues of disrespect such as:
• Slamming doors
• Screaming “I hate you,”
Sometimes it’s hard for a teen to hide their unhappiness – and honestly, isn’t it that way for all of us? On the other hand, if your daughter rolls her eyes at you every time you turn around, you may decide that enough is enough and this behavior warrants a conversation.
As a parent, it’s definitely a judgment call, but most parents will agree to thr fact that there are times when they’ll want to “pick their battles.”
2. Don’t take responsibility for your child’s disrespect
• One of the main reasons that a rude child is so upsetting to us is that we often feel it’s a reflection of our parenting.
• If you’re sitting around the table with guests and your child blurts out something rude or inconsiderate to you, it can initiate feelings of anger and awkwardness. “What kind of a parent will other people think I am if my child is acting this way?”
“As hard as it is, always remember that your child’s behavior is a reflection of him/her and not you.”
3. Define for your child what disrespect is
Talk to your child about what behavior is respectful and what isn’t. We often presume our kids to know things without spelling them out. Kids who are younger tend to think in terms that are considered “concrete.”
And what you’re really doing is showing your child that when he/she treats others disrespectfully, he/she not likely to get many nice things done for her in return.
4. Give your child alternate problem-solving skills
• If your child is handling his/her frustration or anger in a way that is disrespectful or intolerable, talk to her about different ways she can express himself/herself suitably.
• You can actually role-play dissimilar situations with your child. Have him/her play the parent and you play him/her. Give him/her the words he/she can use to let you know he/she is disenchanted or unhappy. Because in life, he/she is going to have to express being unhappy or frustrated – not just to you, but to others such as friends, teachers and eventually a boss or spouse.
• It can be very powerful to ask yourself, “How am I teaching my child to treat others? Am I modeling for him/her how to treat others respectfully?” But ultimately, it’s your child’s responsibility to manage his/her own emotions and behavior by using the tools you provide him/her.
What to do when teens act disrespectfully?
It’s inevitable that there will be times when our kids are going to be angry at us, and that we’re going to set some limits that they don’t like. But that’s okay, this just means you’re doing your job as a parent. Here are five rules that will help you handle disrespect and help your kids:
1. Don’t take it personally
I know this is one is not that easy, but try not to take what your child is saying or doing personally. This behavior is all about them and not about you.
Tell them that their behavior is wrong and then disengage from them. If the behavior of your child warrants a consequence, you can say:
“I’m taking your cell phone for two hours. During that time, you need to show me that you can behave respectfully to people in this house. If you swear or are rude again then this two hour period will start over.”
Always Remember that it doesn’t matter if your child likes you right now. This is about teaching them the right thing, and asking yourself, “What do I want to teach my child?”
Keep these in mind:
• Parenting is not a popularity contest.
• You need to be in control and you need to set limits.
• Your child is not different from your partner or your peer.
• Your role as a parent is vital—you are in charge and your child is relying on you to lead the way.
2. Be prepared
Know that some rude or disrespectful behavior is absolutely normal in adolescence, and be prepared for it. If it’s already happened once, you need to anticipate that it may happen again and this way you can plan what you’re going to do about it.
• State your limits, then turn around and walk away. Remember, you don’t have to attend every fight and power struggle your child invites you to.
• If your child has been extremely disrespectful because they really haven’t had limits on that behavior, this will take real work.
• Once you’ve set a limit and responded appropriately to the disrespect, do not get pulled into the power struggle.
• If you can do this once, it makes it easier to do it again. Just say to yourself, “As a parent, I’m doing the right thing by setting these limits.”
Now you need to think about Where should you draw the line with disrespectful behavior?
3. Avoid power struggles at all costs
See Once you’re embroiled in a power struggle, you’ve lost. But what do you do when your kid:
• Is swearing on your face
• Calling you names
• Ignoring you and trying to boss you around?
That’s where the internal dialogue is so important. Don’t take anything personally. Your job is to parent your child and teach him to behave nicely. I think most of us have triggers when our kids are disrespectful and then we slip into arguments with them. Follow these rules:
4. Be determined
• If you want things to be different, you’ll have to make up your mind to do them differently and stick with it at all costs.
• Like anything else It is a little hard at first, but it’s really rewarding when things begin to change.
• It’s our job, as parents, to teach kids more respectful ways to deal with problems.
• Decide today that you will do things differently.
“Enjoy your Path to Mom. Relish every moment!”
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